It’s hard to blog when you are in a city and it’s even harder if you are working. I didn’t realize this during my lazy and pointless nightouts at Kharagpur. You never get that personal space here, in my case it’s almost impossible. I always wondered in my school days ' I like writing but why am I not able to Write'. Now I think my wonder has lost its glamour. I travel more than 50 Km daily and my petrol bill has almost made me bankrupt. I am so optimistic that I am confident of completing 8 jobs in a single day. I want to emulate Amir Khan's feat of 8pack abs during my six months of stay. I want to make use of the guitar that was left behind by one of my lovely seniors. I want to bell cat 2009.I have other 4 academic jobs and want to excel in each one of them. I want to catch up with all my friends and I want to keep the promises that I made to them during countless online chats. I want to run my company. At the end of it all 'I want to write'. Sorry for citing so many excuses for a delayed post. I know there’s a saying ‘where there is will there is way’. Trust me, my will is endless but my time is not.
So today at Christmas Eve I am empty, both mind and pocket. My mind is filled with vacuum. I haven't been thinking for past 20 days, I have allowed my surroundings to take over me. It’s like I have become a puppet of my own goals. I have lost track of my goals too, I am just doing whatever people want me to do. I have been split among my professional workspace and personal relations. It’s tough to be alien to both of these. When I planned my stay at city from my room in Kharagpur, it was all perfect. I planned each one of my minutes and priorities were all set. But now that I am here, I realize it’s all misplanned. All my plans are proved to be as brittle as glass. So my mind is empty .It is reluctant for a while!!
Then after a while it again starts to plan. It's so mean!! It wants me to try again but with a revised plan that it has generated. It has a thorough knowledge that it is asking me to achieve almost impossible and it is sure that I will fail. But it wants me try and fail again. Again go through all the agony that I have mentioned already. It wants me to do it so that I will be that Spider. Remember that spider and king story. Yes, my mind believes that I am like that spider.
But what do I wish today ' I hope it was empty'. I wish it was happy in that emptiness.
p.s. : I hope it achieved everything it wished, with that emptiness.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Empty
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0 comments is bad sts, so iam so shameless that i will comment on myslef...just to initiate hehe
ReplyDeleteIts loud from your this follow up that you can freely write and flow gently without abrupt interruptions. But I feel what you lack here is crisp. I haven't been 'talked to' here while you have be talking. Anyway nice, good writing. Write more.
ReplyDeletehmm.. My very first visit.
ReplyDeletejust dropped to encourage you to make the point, "i want to write" gradually increase it's position from the last.
And hey.. from the way you wrote, i.e., with too many short simple sentences, i can guess that you really are out of time these days.
no i had time wen i was writing..i cannot write lengthier sentences then that....
ReplyDeleteWho in the world don't have these problems. Every one have them. I can say one thing for sure though that when you goto a new place, a place where you want to prove yourself, you have certain dreams, certain Ideas. I am sure they will not go as planned in most of the cases at first. Then you will change you original plan and stick to the plan that best suits the situation. Evey thing in this world is a compromise my friend. I think you are sill in that transition stage to compromise and fit in.
ReplyDeleteIt did get the title you have give to this post. You mean to say your mind is empty or your pockets are empty?
I am sorry! I didn't get the last part whats with " The King and The Spider"?
thinking.......... i was writing wat came to my mind rather tahn actualy sticking to some plan or a motto to deliver..... so if u find mistakes... no probs because i didnt try to avoid them.... yaa empty in my case was mind( offcourse are too).... my mind has lost track and its gone empty.... it will do watever my boss wnat or my friends ,my parents... it is just become thr tool of experimentation... it lost its identity..... thats wat i wanted sya,... i wanted say more about it... but tried to keep it subtle... u never have passed this stage.... i hope u never do..
ReplyDeleteOnly when our mind is empty, new and innovative thoughts come out of it...
ReplyDeletethoughts aaaa..... seriosly they are always thr... only wen u wanna implement them...problem starts.....
ReplyDeleteCompared to me, i guess you are doing good. i too had plans for this final semester-- gym, guitar,..similar stuff. But, every day i get up and think, why should i plan my final semester..leave it to the winds..and so have i.
ReplyDeletehehe...... carry on akash
ReplyDelete